Practical Guidance On Plans Of

Why is planning a wedding more stressful than having a baby?

(OK, that one actually happened.) I was determined to go with the flow, even if the flow favored other people’s preferences over mine. Above all, I did not want to be the kind of bride who made it all about her; to me, a wedding is a merging of two families, and there are a lot of people to take into consideration. I wanted my wedding to promote that merger, not make it more difficult. But being completely amenable to the desires of others eventually took its toll. I can pinpoint the mental snap to three weeks out, when I had to alter the seating chart because two people wanted last-minute dates, but it was a long time coming. I looked up and realized my wedding didn’t feel like me. I had wanted something romantic and intimate — perhaps in a library — with unconventional touches, like maybe a soft blue wedding dress. Somehow, we ended up inviting more than 200 people, saying our vows in the cathedral where my parents were married, me looking very bridal, veil and all. But far worse was the realization that my relationship — once grounded and easygoing — felt fractured and hollow. None of the concessions I had made regarding the wedding felt as if they should be big deals, so why should I need to bring them up? All we did was talk about the wedding, but I was bottling a lot of my long-simmering resentments out of a twisted need to be “chill.” Sharing my frustrations, that with every tiny concession, our wedding was becoming increasingly “not me,” might have brought us closer together; but telling the person I loved that planning the start of our life together had caused me to put my own wants and needs on the back burner felt like a selfish thing to do.

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